In prison I found my calling as a mentor and support worker

Tracy, member of Nacro’s Justice ExChange

I was in HMP Styal, Cheshire and then Drake Hall in Staffordshire for a total of 18 months. I’d worked all my life so once I was over the initial shock of being in prison I said ‘get me a job’, anything. I just wanted to have something to do with my time. It was strange going from being busy everyday working to having nothing but my thoughts.

When I got to prison it was a very stressful experience. I had never had any dealings with the criminal justice system. I’d just worked, run pubs, raised my family. It was a horrible mistake, just that one moment and that was it, I was given a three-year sentence.

I was in shock when I first went to prison. The first six weeks were the hardest. They had me on a wing as they were worried I might harm myself, so they wanted to keep an eye on me. It was so overwhelming. I’d never been in an environment like that before. It was so noisy. But I was lucky I had a good room mate. She helped me through that time.

I got on ok with people in prison. I was a bit older and I think they saw me as a mum figure. They would look out for me. They would tell me their stories. It was so sad. A lot of them were in there because of some bloke. It just felt so pointless.

Quite quickly I started working. I got a job as a mentor in the education department, like a teachers aid. There were so many girls in there that couldn’t read or write, that just never got even a basic education. I’d help them.

I remember one of the girls who I had helped came up to me on the wing and was so proud that she’d managed to write a letter to her son. It must have taken her hours. She was so happy about it. That was a good motivator for me. To have helped her.

The problem with the education job was it was only for a few hours a day. I enjoyed it and liked helping people but wasn’t enough hours to get your teeth into anything, then you were back in your cell. I needed something to occupy myself. I did any training course I could.

The best job I had in prison was with DHL. It was packing and logistics for the prison’s canteen. It was like a proper job. You started early in the morning, had lunch, then did the afternoon. You felt like you’d do a real day at work. You were tired when you went back to your cell. The time flew by the six months I had that job. It made to feel like you could see yourself back outside and what your life might be like.

When I was released I found it really hard. I didn’t have anywhere to live, I had to stay with my daughter which was a struggle as there wasn’t really enough room. I got really anxious and depressed. It was like I’d held it all together when I was in prison and then when I was out I fell apart. I barely left the house.

What turned things around for me was my daughter gave me a puppy. It sounds silly but he gave me a reason to get up in the morning. I had to get up and feed him, get out the house to walk him. He gave me a reason to live, because I’m not sure I would have made it without him.

Once I started getting my life back together I knew I wanted to do something to help people in prison, especially helping people when they come out. The amount of women who I spoke to who were dreading coming out.  They would go quiet a few weeks before they were due to come out. It was because they didn’t have anywhere to go to. They didn’t have a job, house, their kids weren’t there. They faced this massive uphill struggle. I wanted to do something to help them.

When I’d got out I had received some support from Nacro, helping me through its Health and Wellbeing programme they do through Probation, so I started volunteering for them and helping other people who had come out of prison. It helped that I had been through the same process and I would understand what they were going through.

That volunteering has led to me being offered a staff role at Nacro, doing some of the same kinds of things, supporting people on probation, those who’ve just come out of prison.

It feels good to be helping people. I got a taste for that in prison and its given me a new direction. I didn’t really think about it before I went to prison, about how difficult some people’s lives could be. It was real eye-opener to the problems that people have. It really has made me want to help those people. I look back at the time I was in prison and it feels like a dream. I say, did that really happen. But it did and the only think I can do is to try to make the best of things now.